This queen size bed feels oversize for my confined apartment. My 5 foot 3 and 106 pounds can hardly fill half of it. With my duvet up to my cheeks, I am wrapped up in a ball, legs against my chest like an unborn baby waiting to see the light of day. The air feels cold and I start to shiver under my own skin. My head is resting, ear on my pillow, plunge under an uncomfortable silence. I listen to the water running around the pipes, the footsteps coming from the hallway and the keys unlocking the neighbor’s door and re-locking from the inside. And then, I hear nothing else but the sound of rain sprinkling on my glass window. No heartbeat, no breathing, just my own. And I feel nothing. No kisses on my head. No fingers brushing my hair. No legs intertwining. No arms around my waist. No breathing in the temple of my neck. No tracing on the curves of my body. No biting on the flesh of my lips. It was just me lying in my oversize bed, longing for someone to hold me away from my insomnia.
An hour passes by and I’m still tossing and turning, listening to all the noises surrounding my apartment. Suddenly, the door cracks open and the light from the hallway is so bright, I can’t see who it is but I perfectly recognize his tall and timidly imposing silhouette. I watch him from my bed and I am sure that he is smiling at me too. He closes the door and the room gets dark again. He silently comes around the bed and fills the other half of it. I don’t entirely realize what’s happening as he gets closer and closer to me, to my skin. I try to reach out for his face with my hands but he roughly grabs my wrists, turns me on my back and slowly kisses on my neck and up to my earlobe. Down to my neck again, up to my left cheek, to my chin, to my right cheek and without giving me time to breathe, he puts his tongue in my mouth. The moist of my response makes us shiver. I want our bodies to fusion as I elevate my bottom up against his body. He grabs both of my wrists in one hand and he slides his fingers down my cleavage, circling them around my breasts and going down the side of my thighs. He covers my body up with the pulp of his lips and the warmth of his skin, making my blood boil in my veins. I wrap him up around my legs and our bodies start to dance together in a perfect trance. I still don’t realize what’s happening but my heart flutters into it.
And then, I wake up all alone in my oversize bed, but with a smile on my face. Oh, you forbidden fantasy!
I didn’t sleep much, my body is sore from my first hot yoga session, I got bruises everywhere, I don’t know how I got them exactly and I look like I got beat up, I didn’t get out of town, I’m broke, I haven’t found the man of my life, I didn’t get any flowers, I still have the same job, I came to work late, my apartment is a mess, I didn’t drink any Olimpico coffee all weekend but I’m feeling very happy today, and I don’t know why. Or maybe I do but I don’t want to admit it, because some things are better left unsaid! :)
When I saw the snowstorm outside, I just wanted to crawl back into my apartment and hide. The cars parked looked like little mountains, the sidewalks were hard to get through and the streets were jammed with cars, shovels and pedestrians. I had to hold on to my hoodie and skip around the snow just to get to the train station which was just around the corner. The wagons were cramped with people obligated to their 9 to 5 just like myself, and I didn’t want to know how many noses had been sticking to this door frame. Just the thought of it made me feel disgusted that I put my hands away from it.
As usual, I got off at Charlevoix and waited for the bus. The station was unusually full. I was standing, my back against the window frame, with my earphones hooked on Lupe Fiasco. I was looking at the poor man distributing Le Journal de Montreal. It seemed like no one wanted it. I looked at the people around me and got annoyed by the woman who came to stand right in front of me, to obstruct my view.
The bus was late and I kept looking at my watch. I was feeling tired and I zoned out in my morning thoughts. I looked up and the woman moved a bit to the right. I looked down my watch again and looked up again, and this time, a perfect stranger came standing right in front of me, offering me a bouquet that was hidden behind his newspaper. I didn’t realize what just happened but my first reaction was to take my earphones out.
“Due to this kind of weather, I thought it would be nice to receive these flowers to start off the day on a better note,” said the man with the glasses.
It took me a while to respond because my brain was still working its way through the realization of this unexpected situation. Everyone at the station had their eyes on us. I heard the ladies beside me whispering between them. I started laughing nervously, accepted the flowers and thanked him for being so kind.
“So, how are you?”
”Very good now, thanks to you! And you?”
”Well, I’m glad! I think you made some girls jealous,” he whispered. “But I’ve seen you around a lot. I think we work in the same building. What do you do?”
We started talking all the way to work but I still felt uncomfortable. I kept asking myself if I did the right thing by accepting his gift. He was very nice but unfortunately, he wasn’t my type at all. Then, I told myself that you don’t hear that kind of story everyday, and not every men will have the guts to pull off that kind of move, so I had to give him the credit by not rejecting him. Besides, how can I refuse a man with such manners and who’s best interest was to make me smile? He certainly succeeded because it was another interesting 15 minutes of my life. I forgot about the snowstorm outside, and once again, I was happy I came to work.
Infatuation got her creative but it seems like an inappropriate zone to explore. If only he knew the resistance that she fights every time they get close. If only he knew the thoughts building up in her mind when she looks at him. If only he knew all the things she would do to him. Whenever their eyes meet, her lips unfailingly urge for his. She can feel her heart beating up for it, and her hands wanting to wander around his skin, to feel his veins and muscles. She wants to lay her head on his chest, smell him from his clothes to his core, put her lips behind his ear, whisper a few words and slide down his neckline with the tip of her tongue. She wants to feel her body on his, and his body on hers. She imagines the feel of his lips, the warmth of his mouth, his hands grabbing onto her, all unknown feelings to her memories. They would kiss under the sheets until the sunrise and the singing birds will come out. These restless desires are held safely inside her heart, and she can only limn about it, this forbidden fantasy.
When my alarm went on, I wanted to call sick because my bed was fluffy, comfortable and warm, and the temperature outside was depressing. It was an awful Winter day: cold, windy and snowy. I still forced myself out of the bed after 30 minutes of snoozing and hopped in the shower, as usual.
I got to the office, installed myself, entered my password, checked my emails and started working. At 9:45am, my stomach started growling. I grabbed my wallet and went straight to the elevator. Ding! The door slid open and a guy with a red plaid shirt was standing there looking directly at me with his beautiful eyes. He was a bit short but not ugly at all. I hopped in and saw that he wasn’t alone. “Hello” said the second stranger hiding in the corner. Caught off guard, I instantly acknowledged him with my most beautiful smile. Once the door closed, he continued the conversation he had with the first stranger. I didn’t know what they were talking about but I watched his lips in motion. I started examining him from head to toe. Brown spiky hair, hazelnut eyes, perfectly scruffy, nicely fit, good fashion sense… Ouh, nice shoes buddy.
Ding! The door slid open. I walked out and went face to face with that nice looking man I didn’t see in a while. I got caught up again, in an eye contact. I missed that exotic face. Too bad we never spoke. Maybe I should talk to him next time. I felt a little intimidated, so I turned my head away and went inside the Café Double. I didn’t really care if the two strangers were there in line behind me. I just paid for my coffee and my croissant and left.
I went back waiting for the elevator. I was about to take a sip of my coffee, and I got caught off guard again. “Hi!” I turned around to see this charming man looking at me with such a genuine smile. His piercing blue eyes really thrown me out. But I played it cool and said “Hi!” back.
“How are you?” he asked.
”Very good, and you?”
Ding! We went in. He pressed 8. I pressed 4.
“I was craving for this muffin! What did you get?” he continued.
”Oh! I always get a croissant.”
”Croissant with the omelette?”
”Oh no, just the regular one.”
”I thought you had those special ones with the egg.”
”I like simplicity,” winking at him and smiling.
”Interesting,” smiling back.
“Well, have a great day!” I said.
”Thanks! Same to you!”
I looked at him and captured his face in my mind, with that cute smile and beautiful eyes. I walked out with a grin on my face. It was an interesting 15 minutes of my day. I forgot about the snowstorm outside, and I was happy I came to work.